


Can He Ever Even Love Me?

by whatabodtit



Category: Free!
Genre: Internal homophobia, M/M, this is hella fluffy actually, this takes place around the end of ISC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-22 05:10:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2495651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatabodtit/pseuds/whatabodtit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You were gone for kind of a long time, Nagisa-kun, are you feeling okay?" there it was. How could he possibly hide it if Rei already knew something was up?</p><p>"I'm fine, I got lost on the way back is all." Stupid stupid stupid 'I got lost'? 'I got lost'? Are you kidding me? He'll see right through that! Hazuki Nagisa, you think of something better right now! No. Now it's too late, if I change my excuse I'll only confuse him...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can He Ever Even Love Me?

**Author's Note:**

> I seriously started writing this in tech theatre and finished it just before class ended, so this literally took like two hours and I am sorry for my lazy editing.

The hardest part of any relationship, for Nagisa anyways, was knowing if the person he liked was gay too. Nagisa knew he acted flamboyantly, he knew that _everyone_ knew he was gay even though he wasn't explicitly “out” yet, but no one had ever approached him about it. No one mocked him, questioned him, no one _seemed_ to judge him. Nagisa also knew that not everyone else was gay. Girls at school would talk about cute boys, and a small group of girls at school would talk about cute boys having sex with cute boys, but even those girls were straight, and most of the boys at school were too (and completely against the girls’ “shipping”), or at least no one that Nagisa knew was out. Nagisa knew everything would be so much easier if he was straight, if he was 'manlier'.

You know that moment you you actually properly realize that you have a crush on someone? The sudden thought of “wow, I really like them, I really _like_  them”. For Nagisa, he was never just nervous about it. He was afraid and sad, because chances were, Nagisa’s feelings would be less than reciprocated, and not just because he considered himself undesirable, so, in this moment, this one right now, Nagisa found himself in tears in the boy’s bathroom at school. How could he have let himself fall for someone like _him_? Not only is he _way_ out of Nagisa’s league, but he’s also probably straight. Actually, now that Nagisa thinks about it, probably not. What kind of straight man tries on a swimsuit covered in rainbows? What kind of straight man tries on a swimsuit covered in butterflies? What kind of straight man has pajamas to match said swimsuit?

After giving himself a quick pep-talk, Nagisa wiped his face, sniffled a little, then left the bathroom. Before sliding the door to the classroom open again he shook his head a little to "shake off the bad thoughts", took a deep breath, and put on a happy face.

"You were gone for kind of a long time, Nagisa-kun, are you feeling okay?" there it was. How could he possibly hide it if Rei already knew something was up?

"I'm fine, I got lost on the way back is all."  _Stupid stupid stupid 'I got lost'? 'I got lost'? Are you kidding me? He'll see right through that! Hazuki Nagisa, you think of something better right now! No. Now it's too late, if I change my excuse I'll only confuse him..._

"Okay?" Rei looked a concerned, but you can tell he was trying to cover it up so as not to put Nagisa on the spot.

* * *

Swim practice that day was hell. Nagisa was forever avoiding Rei's worried gaze, his concerned smile. Nagisa didn't seem any different with Haru or Mako. Maybe it was just Rei, maybe he was mad at him, maybe he'd done something wrong. He'd talk to him after practice.

"Rei, Nagisa, Haru and I are going to leave now, don't forget to lock the door when you go."

As soon as the door clicked shut Rei turned to a quickly dressing Nagisa, "Nagisa-kun, are you mad at me?"

How could he think that?! "What?" his question more a shocked expression than something requiring answer.

"Well, you've seen kind of off since you came back from the bathroom in class and I just want to know if I've done anything to cause you any problems..."

"No!" it was too loud and too fast.

Nagisa looked down at the ground, he could feel his cheeks burning with his eyes, "it's just." he paused, took a breath and looked up a Rei, feeling the tears stinging his eyes, "I really like you Rei-chan! And I think I have since the beginning. Since that very first day I talked to you, since that day you turned me down when I asked you to join the swim team and you got off the train and I watched you run."

Rei's eyes went as wide as Nagisa's. "N-N-Nagisa-kun"

"It's okay if you don't like me too, I mean, you're probably not even gay, I mean, it would hardly shock me if you are but, like, you might not be, and that's okay, just, let me still be your friend? But if I make you uncomfortable now, I'll stay at a distance or something, I won't quit the swim team and I really really hope you won't either, but I can always swim on the other side from you and-"

Nagisa was cut short by a pair of strong arms around his shoulders, a nose ruffling his hair, a body pressed against him, and the suffocating smell of chlorine and a moderately applied amount of cologne and _Rei._ He felt himself move his own arms, wrapping them around Rei's waist.

"I'm sorry I'm getting your shirt all wet" he mumbled into Rei's chest.

Rei chuckled lightly and pulled back to look at Nagisa, keeping one hand on each shoulder, "Nagisa-kun, I like you too."

"Really?"

"Really."

As much as Nagisa wanted to snuggle back up to Rei and let him hold him again, he knew they had a train to catch, so he wriggled off to pull his shirt on, shove his towel in his back, and hop out the door.

"C'mon, Rei-chan, we'll miss the train!"

"Oi! You're the one who took ten minutes to turn your shirt the right way and put it on!" But he laughed and bounded out, locking the door after them.

Nagisa grabbed for his hand and linked their fingers together, "are we like, dating now?"

"Do you want to be?"

Nagisa smiled and stopped, pulling Rei to a halt. He threw his arms up onto Rei's shoulders, squared his own, and stood on his tip toes. He puckered his lips and moved forwards. Their lips met, but only briefly before Nagisa was gone again, running down the walk way, "c'mon,  _boyfriend,_ we'll miss the train!"

Rei ran after him, catching up and intertwining their hands again.

 


End file.
